December 2010
33 posts
You can digitally upload coupons onto your QFC...
J: FUCKIN’ TAMPAX FOR $2!
Me: Did you think a year ago your life would be like this?
J: You mean digitally uploading tampon coupons? No, no I didn’t.
“For the Love of Ivy” by The Gun Club
...
A year in bullet points
Learned how to use a French Press and Tea Kettle
Learned how to drive more aggressive. Thank you cross-country drive that included driving through LA really, really stoned.
Stayed in 15 hotels. From the super nice Il Lugano in Ft. Lauderdale to a meth-y Days Inn in Oklahama City.
Moved from Florida to Nashville to Seattle in under 6 months.
Moved with someone and got a dog while in...
J: Where is the Tylenol?! Did you just move it?!
Me: No!
J: You did! Why would you do that?
Me: Why would I move a bottle of Tylenol?
J: I’m going to show you hope and then take it away.
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Yuppie hippies
Co-worker: What are you looking for?
Me: A paper cup for this coffee.
Co-worker: It’s all the way under here. We don’t really use paper products.
Me: Oh?
Co-worker: The environment.
Me: Oh, haha?
Co-worker: Hm?
Me: Because you work in commercial real estate..? No?
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Teeckets
Mom: I get a call about how I have a $79 parking teecket in Wushington.
Me: Holy shit, I'm sorry--
Mom: Stop.
Me: I meant to--
Mom: Leeson to me.
Mom: I say "What do you mean I have a teecket?"
Mom: Lady says "You got a parking teecket in Wushington."
Me: And you said that's me, right?
Mom: Shut up, leeson.
Mom: I say to the lady "I never been to Wushington I don't even know anyone who ever been to Wushington."
Me: That's a good one, mom.
Mom: Lady says "___ isn't your license plate? You don't drive a Nissan Versa?"
Mom: I say "Ma'am I never heard of that plate before. I drive a black Nissan, not no Versa. I live in Meeami, don't know what you mean. Got the wrong person."
Me: So I just got away with this ticket?
Mom: What imma say ees you need to be careful. Lady might figure the story out and call you. You mess up, we screw.
vruz asked: when are you picking your art projects again?
cheers!
cheers!
http://pegb.tumblr.com/ask →
Okay?
Things the TMJ Healing Plan says I shouldn't do.
I’ve had TMJ issues for 10 years this year so I’m reading a boring book on how to deal with it. Talk about taking all the fun out of my life.
- Stop Yelling. Clap, whistle or make a sign instead of yelling to cheer someone on.
- Avoid biting into big foods (like burgers)
- Intimacies, such as certain kinds of kissing and oral sex, can put tremendous stress on the jaw joints and...
Why I need girlfriends
I don’t have anyone to share celebrity gossip with. It’s like this:
Me: LISTEN!
J: ?
Me: Eva Longoria’s husband cheated on her.
J: Oh?
Me: They’re getting divorced. I can’t believe it.
J: Peg you don’t know that she’s not crazy.
Me: Her? She’s—well, she can’t be. He was sexting his team mate’s wife!
J: Maybe...
I have heard this response twice. From two different people. Variations, of course.
Typical corporate dude: The snow was awful, I had to ride a bus. A bus! I haven’t been on a bus in 20 something years! The bus driver was pissed at me because I put in three dollars and expected my change back. They don’t give you change!
Typical corporate chick: Oh gross, I’ve never been on...
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