Connie: Ha, did you hear what mom did?
Me: No..
Connie: You know how she has those ugly red-tinted sunglasses?
Me: Ugh, yes.
Connie: She was at a traffic light that turned green and couldn't figure out why people were honking at her. The glasses made the light look red so she just stayed there.
Mom: They've got all these posters on sale!
Me: Like what?
Mom: All different music and movies. Sex and City girls, Monroe, Pink Floyd, Zeppelin..
Me: Oh, very cool.
Mom: They have The Wall to Heaven, your sister likes that.
Me: No.. what?
Mom: The Wall to Heaven?
Me: You either mean The Wall or Stairway to Heaven.
Mom: Shut up.
Mom: Not a good day, I'm totally screw. (?)
Me: Why?
Mom: Alcoholic June is at the pool and my cassette player died.
Me: Cool hickey.
Connie: Shhh, shut up!
Me: Mom come check out what this guy did to your daughter.
Mom: ¡El hombre es un animal!
It’s that time of year for mom to buy new Halloween decor to be used year round.
My sister brought a date to the house
Sister: So my mom likes to decorate like.....this.
Date: Oh cool, she's really into Halloween!
Sister: Noo.. it's always like this.
Date: You mean all year round?
Sister: Yep.
Date: Whoa.
THAT bag
Mom: That bag I have is awesome!
Me: Which?
Mom: The one you got me. It fits everything! My cassette player, a couple snacks, and a kotex.
Fuck you, I can’t staaaaand you, bitch.
“
| — |
Mom, talking about someone she doesn’t care for.
|
Flat irons
Mom: Peg!
Me: What's going on?
Mom: I would like a flat iron.
Me: Something you just decided you need?
Mom: At work, someone told me to use one.
Me: That's weird. I'm going out though, I'll pick one up for you.
Mom: Cool. What is it?
"It's not that I don't like Americans, it's that they only eat sandwich."
"Why would I want an ipod? It doesn't have a radio."
“Why don’t people walk around with cassette players anymore? They’re so convenient!” - Mom, who is pretty psyched about her new cassette player.
“It’s called True Blood? Oh girl, we need to order it. It looks cute. I want to wash it.” - Mom
